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>Messages from the Universe

22 May

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I didn’t always have a spiritual philosophy in which to anchor my grief.  In fact, for many years I had deliberately stifled what I felt were the stirrings of consciousness of another reality.  It was my son who was the active seeker, and I worried about him thinking about things too deeply, because I didn’t want him to become some sort of  misfit.  I remember when he was about 16, we were reading about labyrinths and, ahead of a trip to the US, we made plans to go walking a labyrinth in San Jose.  In the end he went walking the labyrinth and I went shopping. Am I the only one who finds the malls in San Jose irresistible?

Andre was the first person to tell me about the chakras, and the gnostic gospels, and the Knights Templar.  I only exhibited spectator interest, serving as a kind of librarian/cheerleader, and ensuring he didn’t get ripped off by snake oil salesman types on the internet. Actually, the closest I had gotten to any form of mysticism was Reiki training.

So when I had my first experience of non-ordinary reality I was sure I was going crazy.  What follows is an excerpt from an email that I sent to my Reiki teacher three days after Andre’s funeral:

I don’t know if you remember me. I did Reiki 2 with you in 2007 – I was the only one for that session.  I am having an experience which I am careful not to share with very many persons because I don’t know if it is Reiki related or I am just going quietly crazy.

 My son Andre was murdered a few weeks ago, and on my way to the emergency room, without knowing that he had already died I sent him Reiki. When I got to the hospital, I was just in time to see them covering his face and they allowed me time with him. I was totally distraught and crying and touching him.  On returning from the hospital I noticed the burning in my palms which I get after I have given Reiki to very sad people. I could only figure I had picked this up off him. Later that night I sat down and turned my palms up and outward, without doing the symbols, just thinking about him,  and I distinctly felt a strong concentration of energy in each palm, not like I am used to feeling it, but this time I could feel the texture of the energy, like the curve a ball would make in my palms.  The next day I went onto the Internet and looked up sending Reiki to people who have passed. I found an article which said I should visualize the person standing there and bathe them in light.  So I used the symbols and summoned him, sent him Reiki and told him to go in peace.  

That night was when I got the first of a series of ‘between sleep and wake’ messages. You know that thought that occurs to you between sleep and wake and jolts you awake?  That thought was ‘Wildfire has rejoined the host’. (Wildfire was the stage name he chose for himself.)  I remember coming awake with a feeling of excitement which stayed with me throughout the entire day.  My senses seemed heightened, especially my visual senses. For example I was looking at a white orchid in my garden, and I could see a kind of glittering in the texture which I had not noticed before, or since for that matter.  All that day I had a sense that a powerful force had been liberated, and I understood that this was the being that had lived as my son, but who was not anymore my son but something ageless, and timeless and immensely powerful.  But what I felt more than anything was his joy at returning, and the even greater joy of those receiving him.  It felt like he had returned successful from an assignment, and I was very aware of myself as being very small and mortal, experiencing something that I was  being privileged to share.  I know I didn’t actually see or hear anything, I just had a sense of this wonder and excitement almost like I was experiencing it in the energy field.  

Since then this feeling has stayed with me, and I have had such a sense of peace and happiness. Peace for me, happiness for him, I guess.  I do not have a sense of my son existing in the way I knew him, but I do not feel a sense of absence.  I would really like to know what your take is on all this.  Any feedback or insight you can share would be much appreciated.”
I was pathetically grateful for his reply in which he expressed joy that Andre had been able to make it through to let me know he was okay.  Funny, I had always figured I would go first, and had always wondered if I would have been able to find a way to communicate. 
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